It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that sexting can be great for your relationship. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a while or you’re just starting something new, sending flirty, dirty messages is a great way to spice things up and keep them fresh — especially if you and your partner are long-distance.
If you’re not sure how to start (or continue) a sexting session, though, it can be difficult to overcome the initial awkwardness. That’s why we turned to sex therapist Vanessa Marin for tips on how to bite the bullet and get started.
“People might think, ‘I don’t know what to say’ or ‘I’m not creative,’ but you don’t have to dive in with all these kinky, dirty things,” Marin tells Refinery29. It's true that sexting can make people uneasy, but it doesn’t have to be daunting: It can be playful and silly. “Find a specific language you feel comfortable with,” Marin says. "If you’re not comfortable with being too explicit from the get-go, that’s okay — just start slow. I think the best way to get started is just by looking at examples.” In that spirit, Marin shares her favorite sexts to get you going. Click through to view them; then, send your favorite to a very lucky recipient indeed.
“I'm getting so antsy just thinking about seeing you later.”
Why it works: If you’re looking for a sexting ice-breaker, this is it. It’s simple, yet effective in building anticipation, making it a great starter.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I’ve got a surprise waiting for you.”
Why it works: It almost certainly provokes a response to get the session going — who doesn’t want to find out what the “surprise” is?
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“It’s too bad you’re not here right now.”
Why it works: It’s the perfect segue into describing (in as much detail as you like) what would be happening if your partner were there right now.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I want you / I need you.”
Why it works: It’s straightforward and direct without being explicit, leaving room for you to elaborate on exactly why you want/need your partner.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“Get over here right now.”
Why it works: It conveys all of your “need-you-now” passion in just five words.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“That feels so good.”
Why it works: It lets your partner know what works for you.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I can’t get enough of you.”
Why it works: This text tells your partner just how much you want him or her, without getting too specific (great if you’re shy).
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“What else will you do to me?”
Why it works: It’s playful, it’s teasing, and it encourages your partner to keep going.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I can’t get last night out of my mind.”
Why it works: Invoking steamy memories is a foolproof way to get the fire going again.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“Tell me more.”
Why it works: If you’ve gotten a sext that leaves you a little tongue-tied, this is a great way to keep the conversation flowing.
Illustrated by: Abbie WintersLike what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
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