We've become so accustomed to seeing the most unrealistic depictions of "real" life on the big and small screens that it doesn't even register anymore. Sure, impossible financial situations and generous definitions of what "middle-class" means can make for more exciting, enviable characters and entertainingly outlandish plotlines. But we're calling bullshit on all these faux-bourgeois lifestyles.
Why does it matter if it's all fiction anyway? Well, for starters, it's distracting. It's hard enough to suspend disbelief without being made to ogle the insane clothes and Architectural Digest -worthy homes everyone seems to enjoy. And it does nothing to make characters relatable or empathetic, by the way. Some common culprits? Teenagers with bottomless wallets, ridiculous wardrobes, and the freedom to do whatever the hell they want. Also, twentysomething professionals living in New York City apartments that would be completely unaffordable — if anything like them even existed IRL.
Today is National Splurge Day. And if you can't afford to go out and blow a whole paycheck on sunglasses or a spa day, stay put and check out these fictional characters from movies and TV with totally unrealistic lives.
Max & Caroline, 2 Broke Girls (2011-present)
Okay, as a Williamsburg resident I take personal offense to this one. You're telling me two waitresses can afford a rustic-chic apartment in one of the priciest neighborhoods in the city? (Don't let the exposed brick fool you.) "Broke," my ass.
Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City (1998-2004)
Repeat after me: Freelance writers cannot afford walk-in closets stocked with Manolos. They just can't. I don't care how successful your weekly sex column is — all those designer duds, chic brunches, and rent checks for your gorgeous brownstone on the Upper East Side add up.
Photo: Courtesy of TBS.
Blair Waldorf & Serena Van der Woodsen, Gossip Girl (2007-2012)
Can you even imagine a life in which 17-year-old besties dress like it's Paris Fashion Week every day? And jet off to actual Paris on a whim? And enjoy all the finest that NYC has to offer? And where a bad day at school can be offset by a new Gucci dress and Prada heels? I don't care how wealthy their families are supposed to be: Even rich teenage girls don't have such refined taste.
Photo: Courtesy of The CW.
The Humphreys, Gossip Girl (2007-2012)
This is the supposedly "poor" family that can't keep up with all those rich Manhattanites. Boutique art gallery owner Rufus not only sends his two children to private school. He and his kids, Dan and Jenny, live in a giant, industrial-chic loft in Brooklyn (located in pricey Williamsburg or equally pricey Dumbo, depending on the episode). It's hard to sympathize with the lowly Brooklynites when you're lusting after their lifestyle.
Photo: Courtesy of The CW.
Summer Roberts & Marissa Cooper, The O.C. (2003-2007)
An utterly average day in Orange County for these teenage girls means leaving your gorgeous mansion and driving to a high school beautiful enough to be a resort in your Range Rover with a Marc Jacobs tote in tow. On Saturdays, you might take a casual weekend getaway to Palm Springs or have fun with one of your mom's 17,000 platinum plastics at The Grove. Wanna make a princess-like appearance at a posh social event or get drunk on Grey Goose to forget how hard your life is? No problem!
Photo: Courtesy of Fox.
Everyone, Pretty Little Liars (2010-present)
Ah, the town of Rosewood, PA: a dreamy place where the homes are decked out in West Elm from floor to ceiling, and the teenagers never, ever have to ask their parents for an allowance. Aria, Spencer, Hanna, and Emily stomp around town in their stilettos and couture evening gowns like it's NBD. Sounds like a pretty big lie to me.
Photo: Courtesy of The CW.
Mindy Lahiri, The Mindy Project ( 2012-present)
Ob/Gyns can make a pretty decent salary. Decent enough to: A. afford an impeccable wardrobe; B. own a luxurious one-bedroom, complete with a spiral staircase; C. pick up and move to San Francisco, the only city more expensive than New York, without any financial reservations; and D. never even acknowledge that money is actually an object. Hell, sign me up.
Photo: Courtesy of Fox.
Rachel & Monica, Friends (1994-2004)
So a waitress and a sometime-unemployed chef kick back in their gigantic two-bedroom, two-bathroom spread in the Village, complete with a gorgeous outdoor balcony...and still have the time and money to chill out at Central Perk every day? Yes, we've been told that the apartment is a rent-controlled hand-me-down from Monica's grandmother — but we're still not buying it.
Photo: Courtesy of NBC.
Jane Adler, It's Complicated (2009)
This is really a stand-in for all Nancy Meyers movies. In this particular flick, Meryl Streep plays a divorced bakery-owner residing in a Santa Barbara home where every room is fit for the pages of Better Homes and Gardens . Oh, and she's going to remodel the whole thing, because why have a four-star kitchen when you can have it outfitted for a world-class chef?
Photo: Courtesy of Universal Pictures.
Everyone, Girls (2012-present)
This HBO comedy has been praised as a realistic portrayal of privileged millennials living in New York, but I beg to differ. In season 1, for example, Hannah's helpful parents would have to cover the entire rent for her Greenpoint apartment while she works for minimum wage at the coffee shop. Who knows how Shoshanna and Jessa can afford Nolita as an NYU student and a nanny, respectively. And how Marnie can afford all the moving costs from bouncing back and forth between Greenpoint and Manhattan on her salary as an art gallery assistant and nightclub hostess is anybody's guess.
Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
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