I don’t remember when I first realized that I didn’t want to have kids. But I do remember the first time I articulated that sentiment to my mother. I was 18 and we were in a grocery store parking lot. How we got on the topic I don’t know anymore; could have been the baby-food aisle or a toddler in the checkout lane. But I vividly remember the emotions I perceived coming off my mom in waves: surprise with an undercurrent of sadness and an overtone of what did I do as a parent to make you feel this way?
People decide not to have kids for all sorts of reasons: the economic strain, the environmental impact, the shit world we’re living in, or a childhood that left them with emotional scars and therapy bills. But I’d grown up with two loving, supportive, and enthusiastic parents. If anything, they gave me an appreciation for how much work and sacrifice bringing up babies is when you really throw yourself into it. At that time, I hadn’t thought through the rest of the checklist. For me, it was simply a sense that I had all sorts of ambition, and none of it was directed toward having a kid.
I also didn’t have a clue that being vocal and confident about this decision would elicit the critical feedback it has over the years. People I knew and people I didn’t know told me that I’d change my tune as I got older. No one trusts women (let alone 18-year-old women) to know their own bodies and minds. And though I understood that some people who make this decision evolve their stance over time — or find a partner who cares more deeply about having children than they do about not having them — something told me I wasn’t going to.
Apparently, a woman who doesn’t want kids is a shocking thing, even in 2019. As someone who’s almost embarrassingly square, it’s probably my most countercultural act. The idea of the natural progression toward parenthood is baked into our society in little and big ways. I hand-clapped on the schoolbus to the cringey “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage” refrain that hammered the order of things into seven-year-old me. I’ve fake-smiled through many a wedding speech from a well-intentioned father of the bride urging the happy couple to go forth and start a family — as if a family isn’t whatever you want it to be, whenever you want to make it.
Though I feel as strongly at 36 as I did at half that age, I’ve had to validate my stance through the years. I’ve had hard talks with family members who’ve said, “But you’d be such a good mom.” To which I respond: “I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t do something just because you’re good at it.” (After all, I could be a really great tightrope walker too, but we’ll never find out.) I’ve corrected relatives who’ve said, “Just wait ‘til you have your own!” while chasing a toddler around a living room. I’ve braced for monologues about how being a parent has been the most meaningful experience in one’s life — as if that insight might trump me following my gut. On a business trip, I’ve put a co-worker in his place after he chuckled and said, “We’ll see,” when hearing my intentions. I’ve had awkward exchanges with a hair stylist, who asked soon after I got married when I was going to start trying for a baby, and I’ve had ridiculous interactions with practical strangers who felt infuriatingly comfortable sharing their opinions on what I do with my body. Just the other week, a man I’d known for five minutes asked if I saw that study that reported women who don’t have kids are judged more harshly. Weirdly, I didn’t request he send it to me.
Though it’d be really badass of me to breeze through these conversations with pure self-assuredness and poise, I have plenty of worries. I have concerns that my steadfastness forced my husband’s hand, and that he didn’t have a chance to decide on his own, because we started dating in college. (He assures me that when he was a kid himself, he always pictured himself with a partner, but never with offspring.) Though I don’t stress about missing out on parenting itself and am very cool leaning into the roles of PANK (professional aunt, no kids) and bunny mom, I do fear missing out on the bond of parenthood. I fear missing the conversations between mothers commiserating about 3 a.m. feedings, comparing Little League schedules, and sharing the joy of your kid cracking their first joke, or getting their first job. My business partner, bestie, and work wife had a baby in December, and I’ve wrung my hands over how that’ll affect our relationship, which is core to my life. So far, there have been shifts, but no real meaningful changes. I get anxious about being on the outside of this world that so many inhabit, and being dismissed as the one who’s “not getting it” — a diss that makes me practically shiver.
But I also hope to be able to connect with those who opt for the path I’ve chosen, and to form a no-kid club. Despite knowing I’m in fantastic company in my decision — shout-out to my many child-free role models: Oprah, Terry Gross, Tracee Ellis Ross, Sonia Sotomayor, Sandra Oh, and Ellen Degeneres, just to name a handful — I don’t feel part of a community by taking this road, and it’s on me as much as anyone else to change that.
I want to feel supported in my decision and to support everyone else in theirs. Because ultimately this is about choice, right? The people who matter most to me (my parents very much included) get that by now. But I want the Gloria Steinem quote “Not everybody with a womb has to have a child, like not everybody with vocal cords has to be an opera singer” to feel like a big, ol’ duh to everybody. I want to be a parenthood ally and to understand pregnancy and birth better, because doing so is essential to advancing women on the whole. I want to be able to have informed, supportive conversations with friends about IVF. I want to make the workplace better for parents, and every last one of us whose personal life calls for flexibility and compassion within our professional life. But I also want to go home to a quiet apartment and to never, ever feel guilty, insecure, or judged for doing so.
No one asks grown-ass people why they choose to have kids, even though they’re making a life-altering decision with an abundance of unknowns. And no one should. I’m just looking for the same courtesy and acceptance. Ultimately, 18 years after I first made this decision, I know two things with conviction: that I have no desire to have children, and that I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why.
DESIGN AND ART DIRECTION ANDREINA CARRILLO. ANIMATION BY MISHA TOWNSEND.
Update: It’s been two months since Kim Kardashian West announced that her makeup brand KKW beauty would be hitting Ulta Beauty — marking the first time the products have been sold a brick-and-mortar retailer — and the launch day is finally here. As of today, an assortment of KKW Beauty makeup products can be purchased online and at all Ulta store locations, including lipstick sets, eyeshadow palettes, and new holiday kits.
“Feedback from fans of the brand is so important to me, and I can’t wait to make KKW Beauty more accessible and available for swatching and try-on before purchasing,” Kardashian West said in a statement.
This post was originally published on August 29, 2019.
Navigating the beauty industry as an entrepreneur is tough, but having a little sister who’s running a billion dollar makeup and skin-care business helps a little. While far from new to the business, it seems that Kim Kardashian West is following in Kylie Jenner’s footsteps. In case you forgot, Kylie Cosmetics launched in Ulta Beauty last November. And now, Kardashian West has announced that her brand, KKW Beauty, will soon be sold at Ulta Beauty stores.
While she hasn’t revealed much more than that, she did inform her followers that it would be launching this fall. “I’m so excited to announce that @kkwbeauty will be coming to @ultabeauty this fall,” she captioned an announcement post on Instagram. “Stay tuned for more details.”
That still leaves us with questions, including the exact date, which products will be available, and if it will be online, in-store, or both. If she is taking notes from her younger sis, then we’d guess that she’ll start off with a few products at first — maybe her contour kits or perfume — and then slowly release more throughout the year.
Either way, it’s bound to be successful knowing that Jenner’s products flew off Ulta Beauty shelves upon the brand’s release, and with product sell-out status, KKW Beauty can surely expect the same.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
When it comes to meeting the hair- and skin-care needs of Black women, the beauty industry too often tends to fall short. That's why, over the course of the past year, Birchbox and R29's Unbothered team joined forces to create two crowdsourced beauty kits specifically curated by Black women, for Black women. And the selection process was no joke: R29's insights team gathered data from more than 1,500 women to help narrow down the ideal mix of curl-hydrating hair products for the "It's Your Crown" kit and glow-ready skin-care favorites for the "Stay Radiant" kit.
So, what ended up making the final cut?Scroll on for an in-depth look at some of the holy-grail samples that earned our seal of approval and landed in the kits, along with product tips, application hacks, and more reasons to love 'em straight from our Unbothered editors themselves. From the crunch-free curl gelée that defines one beauty writer's natural pattern to the cleansing bar that helps fade one social media editor's hyperpigmentation, discover your new top-shelf essentials, just ahead.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Briogeo Don’t Despair, Repair! Deep Conditioning Mask
"This is the deep conditioner I turn to when I've been neglecting my hair. I like to let it sit for about 30 minutes to really melt single-strand knots and moisturize my dry ends." — Jessica Cruel, Deputy Beauty Director
Birchbox x Unbothered It's Your Crown Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Tgin Miracle RepaiRx Strengthening Shampoo
"I live for multi-use products! When it's time for wash day, I want to ensure my scalp is getting a thorough cleanse and also being strengthened. My hair always feels revitalized and more manageable after washing." — Amaris Appiah, Marketing Strategist
Birchbox x Unbothered It's Your Crown Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
DevaCurl High Shine Multi-Benefit Oil
"I love a lightweight oil that moisturizes my curls without weighing my hair down. I tend to use a lot of product, but when they say a little goes a long way — they're so right! And you can't beat the incredible ingredients either." — Danielle Cadet, Managing Editor, Unbothered
Birchbox x Unbothered It's Your Crown Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Oribe Curl Gelée for Shine & Definition
"I whip out this gelée when I need defined curls without the crunch. It gives my natural pattern touchable definition that doesn't start flaking by lunchtime. It also has a heavenly fragrance that'll follow you around and prompt plenty of compliments." — Aimee Simeon, Beauty Writer
Birchbox x Unbothered It's Your Crown Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Oyin Handmade What the Hemp Deep Moisture Mask
"An amazing deep conditioner is the key to long-term healthy hair, and this is the one. Oyin Handmade’s What The Hemp Deep Moisture Mask left my hair beyond soft, easily manageable, and moisturized until my next wash day." — Kareemah Sellers, Marketing Strategy Manager
Birchbox x Unbothered It's Your Crown Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Specific Beauty Advanced Dark Spot Corrector Pads
"Taking the day off doesn’t stop at just makeup wipes for me. I love to pass these brightening pads on clean skin to remove any lingering traces of makeup and reveal a brighter, more youthful complexion." — Aimee Simeon, Beauty Writer
Birchbox x Unbothered Stay Radiant Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Sunday Riley Good Genes All-in-One Lactic Acid Treatment
"I'm a believer that bright skin starts with a good exfoliating treatment. Personally, I prefer chemical exfoliants, like this one that has lactic acid." — Jessica Cruel, Deputy Beauty Director
Birchbox x Unbothered Stay Radiant Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Urban Skin Rx Even Tone Cleansing Bar
"My skin thrives using this product! My hyperpigmentation was such an issue for me, but after using this it all faded over time." — Raven Baker, Associate Social Editor
Birchbox x Unbothered Stay Radiant Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
ModelCo Highlighting Shimmer Whip
"I love anything that gives me a little glow, and this product does just that. It makes my cheekbones pop and gives me a sun-kissed look. I also love the texture." — Danielle Cadet, Managing Editor, Unbothered
Birchbox x Unbothered Stay Radiant Kit, $, available at BirchboxImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Lauren Napier Flaunt Facial Cleansing Wipes
"These wipes are quite the holy-grail! What I love about them is they not only remove makeup, they also leave my skin feeling moisturized like a just-applied product." — Amaris Appiah, Marketing Strategist
Birchbox x Unbothered Stay Radiant Kit, $, available at Birchbox
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
In 2016, Grace Lombardo received a devastating breast cancer diagnosis that resulted in a double mastectomy. As the mother-of-three struggled to accept her new appearance and the sense that she’d lost control over her own body, Lombardo decided to get a mastectomy tattoo across her breasts and ribcageto cover the scars the surgery left behind. This October, Lombardo stars in a Breast Cancer Awareness campaign for hot-tools brand GHD, which has empowered her to tell her story and show her tattoo to people all over the world. Two years after her mastectomy tattoo, Lombardo tells us, in her own words, how it’s changed her life. The following interview was told to Rachel Lubitz and edited for length and clarity.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer on April 19, 2016. I was 35 years old, had three kids under the age of seven, and was in the best physical shape of my life. I don’t carry any of the known genetic markers — I’m just one of those people who randomly got the disease young with no discernible reason.
29 days later, on May 18, I had a double mastectomy. I didn’t allow myself to do too much research. I just thought, This is what’s coming for me. That was hard, because I’m the type of person who craves control. I just had to let go completely and trust in the medical team. I was able to keep my nipples, so when they took the bandages off after surgery, my breasts kind of looked the same. Looking in the mirror was a different story — that’s when you see the gory details of all the stitching and the drains hanging off the sides of your body.
After a mastectomy, you have no physical sensation or nerve receptors in your breasts at all. I didn’t touch my breasts or interact with them for months; they were just off-limits to me. They feel really cold, because there’s no blood flowing to them anymore — no one told me that would happen. It took a while for me to truly realize the devastation of losing my breasts. When I did, months down the line, it was really tragic. It felt like a real loss of control and my femininity.
Around two weeks after I had my reconstructive surgery, there was a front-page article in The Chicago Tribune about David Allen, who is known for his beautiful mastectomy tattoos. Multiple family members and friends sent me the link to the story. I went to his website, looked through the pictures, and instantly knew I was going to do it, even though I had never had a tattoo before — I was just a regular suburban woman who drives a minivan. This was something I was going to be able to choose to do for myself, to cover up this area of my body that I hated to look at, and I was going to put something there that made me happy.
David makes it really easy: You send him a photograph of the area you want tattooed and you point out what you do and do not like, then he picks designs that he thinks will best achieve your goal. The one I ended up picking is an old French sketch of multiple roses that are towards the end of their lives. There was something about the metaphor there: It’s so beautiful, but if you really look at it, the thorns show that there are hard, pointy, scary things that happen, even to the most beautiful flower.
I had my tattoo done on the one-year anniversary of my mastectomy: May 18, 2017. That day held every emotion that I have available to me. We did it in about four hours. During the tattooing process, we talked about how I felt that my body had been mutilated, and had turned into something that was like a traitor to me. It was wild to sit in that chair and think that, just a little over a year ago, I didn’t see anything coming. Now I have a short, spiky blonde mohawk, new breasts that don’t do anything, and I’m getting a huge tattoo. I cried multiple times from the power of it all, and at the end, I tearfully thanked David for giving me a piece of my body back. I really felt that way.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Part of getting the tattoo was saying, No way, cancer. Your time is up.I’m doing something for me in the place you tried to destroy. The great thing is that when I look down at it now, I don’t always think about the cancer. I figured I always would, but now, sometimes I look at it and think, That is so dope, and I’m so glad it’s there. I’m always shopping for shirts that have big arm holes, looking for ways to show it off, and it makes me feel cool whenever I’m at the gym and it’s peeking out of a sports bra.
My tattoo represents the ability to show other women that we have options and we can take back control of our bodies. There’s a million things I can’t do, but I can show this off and tell the story.
That’s part of why this partnership with GHD was so exciting for me. David signed on with them for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, because they wanted to showcase mastectomy tattoos and women who have had them. They asked him who he’s tattooed who’d be willing to do this with them, and he said my name. They called me and I was like, ‘You got the wrong girl. I’ve got horrible hair.’ They were like, ‘That’s not what it’s about. We want a powerful woman who’s reclaimed her body with this tattoo.’ That’s all I needed to hear.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
As part of this campaign, I’m doing photoshoots with 30 people in the room who tell me I look beautiful and are listening to my story. It’s been such a magical experience for a person who’s had their ego taken away from them about how they look. I’ve met women all over the world now who aren’t comfortable telling people they’ve had a mastectomy — not even family sometimes. When they see what this tattoo has done for me and the fact that I’m willing to show it in a beauty campaign, it seems to transfer power over to them. That feels like a gift to me. I’ve said it before: Whether I’m done with breast cancer or I get it again, this alone was worth it.
It’s hard to put into words the power this tattoo has given me. In my neighborhood, everyone knew me as the poor mom who has cancer. Everyone was having to explain to their children why my children’s mom was bald. But now my identity is the badass mastectomy tattoo lady, and that feels 100% correct. I have this side of me that’s almost like my alter ego, the badass survivor who carries the art of war on my body. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more like myself.
Special thanks to the documentary Grace for providing additional footage of Lombardo and Allen.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Welcome to Money Diaries, where we’re tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We’re asking women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.
Today: a Digital Strategist working in Marketing/Communications who makes $77,000 per year and spends some of her money this week on Thank You notes.
Occupation: Digital Strategist Industry: Marketing/Communications Age: 26 Location: Seattle, WA Salary: $77,000 + $2,500 Performance Bonus Paycheck Amount (2x/monthly): $2,320 (after 401(k) and healthcare deductions — fun fact: WA doesn’t have income tax!) Gender Identity: Cisgender Woman
Monthly Expenses Rent: $1,728 (I live with my cat in a 1BR and have a washer/dryer/balcony hence the hefty price tag) Loans:$ 0 Utilities: $35 Internet: $63.50 Cell Phone: $50 Netflix and HBOGO: $0 (go Mom & Dad!) Hulu/Spotify/Amazon Prime: $37.16 (I share these with my parents and sister) Investments: $100 (via Betterment.com) Car Insurance: $112.60 ClassPass: $15.90 (2-3 classes per month) Savings: $450 (I am trying to bulk up my savings after it was depleted from moving across the country. I currently have $4,250 saved in personal accounts and $27,000 in retirement.)
Day One
6 a.m. — Breaking News: Early morning meetings and hair wash day do not mix. Sluggishly, I unfurl myself from many comforters and shuffle to the shower. My cat follows and sits on the edge of the tub as I shave my legs, only occasionally lunging at the razor.
7:08 a.m. — Fall is officially here in the PNW! I make a mental note to unpack my electric blanket, coats, and gloves from storage. I curl my hair, add perfume, and pack an extra bag of makeup for after-work touch-ups. Dash out the door to catch my bus ($2.75 from my pre-loaded transit pass).
7:30 a.m. — Once I get to my office, I dial-in to a (very under-caffeinated) client call. Most of my clients are on the East Coast so these early alarms are more frequent than I’d like. I’ve been looking for a new job for the last few months and have made it to the final round of interviews several times only to not get the job in the end. It is super frustrating and I celebrate everyone who has done this without going slightly crazy. I suspect I am bordering on “burnt out” from my current job and looking for a job. Even so, I click around LinkedIn while munching on a freezer waffle with peanut butter and banana from our communal office pantry.
10 a.m. — Therapy time! My therapist offers video counseling so I shut my office door and word vomit my anxieties. Afterward, my card is charged a $30 copay. $30
12:15 p.m. — Mandatory team fun = free lunch! I eat a spinach salad with berries, cheese, cucumbers, and chicken with a lemon vinaigrette while talking to my coworkers about our shared Costco obsession. ($12.15, expensed)
5 p.m. — Eeep. Time for my date. I slip into the ladies room to touch up my makeup while listening to the new Dateline podcast The Thing About Pam. I’m a sucker for a good true crime story.
5:27 p.m. — For once I beat C1. to a date. I am really nervous. We have been talking for about seven weeks and I didn’t expect to like him this much. I was traveling and he has been busy with family for the October Jewish holidays so I haven’t seen him in for a week or two. My face breaks into a smile when I meet his eye and I go over and give him a hug. C1. opens the tab on his card. We order drinks (a beer for him, a red currant cider for me) and catch up. I’m relieved at how easy it feels.
6:35 p.m. — The main attraction of the bar we are at is their mini-golf course. I offer to grab us another round of drinks before we play. C1. says to put them on his tab, despite my protests. While talking to the bartender, he invites me to play a prank on another bartender and if I am successful he will give me a free beer. I am and he does! I pay for our mini-golf round. $18.49
7:20 p.m. — We play mini-golf. I am terrible and quickly lose our bet. Now I have to cook C1. dinner on our next date (yay for more dates!). We decide to head back to C1.’s neighborhood for Thai food. On the way, I add money to my transit card. He orders Thai basil fried rice and I opt for a zesty crispy chicken dish with jasmine rice (delicious). He pays. $30
9:15 p.m. — Head to C1.’s condo for some shenanigans. We have not had sex yet as we are waiting on STD test results (C1. had never been tested). I’m trying to be more of a safe sex stickler after a health scare. I got my results (all clear!) last week and I cross my fingers that his results come through soon.
11:55 p.m. — I decide to call it a night and Uber back to my neighborhood. C1. walks me to the car and kisses me goodnight. $11.48
Daily Total: $89.97
Day Two
7:40 a.m. — Alarm blares. I made the mistake of taking two Benadryl in the middle of the night to help me fall asleep when the Melatonin didn’t kick in. Big mistake. HUGE. (Name the movie reference). I feel like a zombie. But hey, it’s Friday!
8:30 p.m. — I take the express bus to work and still feel like I am underwater. Once at the office, I realize that our senior leadership is all working from home. I make a plan to sneak out early for the long weekend.
12:20 p.m. — I enjoy my “I forgot to pack lunch” lunch and have a peanut butter banana waffle with a honeycrisp apple (the best!).
1:30 p.m. — I get a text from C2. Yes, I am talking to two guys with the same first name. Apparently I have a type. It weirds me out, too. C2. and I have been texting for two weeks, but haven’t met as I was back east. We have a plan to get breakfast bagels tomorrow morning. I feel conflicted about going, but C1. and I aren’t exclusive and I shouldn’t put all my eggs in his basket.
4:20 p.m. — I sneak out of work, and withdraw cash at an ATM. $54.05
5:30 p.m. — I get home and start baking desserts for my friend’s engagement party tomorrow. I check my email and find a job offer (!) stemming from my interview earlier this week. I am shocked. Even more so when I see the salary plus bonus they are offering (a 40%+ raise). YES. I call my parents and my best friend while happy dancing around my apartment.
7:30 p.m. — I continue dancing around the kitchen and make chicken cutlets, rice pilaf, and a spinach salad for dinner with half a chocolate edible for dessert.
10:45 p.m. — Bath. Bed!
Daily Total: $54.05
Day Three
8:48 a.m. — Wake up, cuddle with cat, scroll on phone for meal prep recipes for the week.
11 a.m. — After a quick shower and two episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I head out to grab lunch and run errands. I end up at Chick-fil-A (deplore their politics, love their chicken) and grab a 12-count nugget meal and a $25 gift card for my coworker who cat sat for me while I was out of town. I snag extra Chick-fil-A sauce to give to him as well. $36.77
12:15 p.m. — Get fuel for my car. Seeing as I’m close to empty, the total is less than ideal. I’m embarrassed to say that I had never pumped my own gas before living in Washington (my home state has gas station attendants!). $44.43
12:45 p.m. — Time to grocery shop. I pick up basics (pasta, lemons, Parmesan, two bottles of red wine, peanut butter pretzels, butter, apples, apple cider, spinach etc.) and the ingredients for Ambitious Kitchen’s Peanut Butter Oat Bars, Damn Delicious’s Italian Wedding Soup, and Pinch of Yum’s Skillet Chicken with Grapes. $104.55
2 p.m. — I meet with a friend from my book club for a two-mile walk and catch-up on our lives. While waiting for her to arrive, I order mascara ($4.77), blister cream ($8.23), and thank-you notes ($15.35) from Amazon. $28.35
3 p.m. — I arrive early to my friend’s engagement party and help the hostess set-up. Once the party kicks off, I sip, chat, and snack on amazing food with my friends and the bride-to-be’s loved ones. This is going to be a beautiful wedding and an even more lovely marriage!
9 p.m. — I head home and am greeted by hunger pains. I snacked on BBQ at the party, but was too distracted by conversation to commit to fully eating my meal. All the wine I drank demands carbs so I make a bowl of pasta. I decide that healthy eating can commence after the long weekend.
11:45 p.m. — I watch two episodes of The Office on my iPad in bed and fall asleep shortly thereafter.
Daily Total: $214.10
Day Four
8:30 a.m. — Good morning! I somehow misplace my cat and spend five minutes looking for her in my apartment. I find her napping contentedly under an ottoman in my closet.
9:15 a.m. — As I feed the cat, I decide to make a quick breakfast of a one-egg omelet with parmesan and spinach with red grapes on the side.
10:50 a.m. — C2. and I meet at a bagel place and I order a toasted rainbow plain bagel with pomegranate cream cheese and a water. C2. gets an everything bagel with lox cream cheese ($17.70 that C2 pays). We decide to walk down to the Elliott Bay and eat them at a picnic table. We have a nice time and I think I’d see him again if he asks.
1:15 p.m. — My old boss (a close friend) comes over and I share my job news over Marionberry Hard Cider and pick her brain for how to resign on good terms. She’s been through this rodeo before with my company and her advice is invaluable. I’ve been trying to host more “hangs” at my house to curb my food/drink spending problem.
6 p.m. — I eat leftover chicken cutlets with a citrus spinach salad for dinner while watching The Great British Baking Show. At some point during the day, iTunes charged me an upgraded storage fee. I fall asleep to the sound of Paul Hollywood. $2.19
Daily Total: $2.19
Day Five
8:45 a.m. — Wake up and hear back from the recruiter. I have the day off today for Columbus/Indigenous People’s Day. I review the benefits package with my dad (hi, adulting is hard!) and we agree that it is very generous. I reply to the recruiter and ask to hop on the phone. I feel the need to negotiate this on principle as I’m trying to learn to better advocate for myself. Even if they don’t agree to my suggested terms to the bonus structure, I’ve decided to accept! The recruiter says she will go back to leadership and get back to me. *long exhale*
9:45 a.m. — I go for a three-mile run/walk around Green Lake. The leaves are changing, there is a chill in the air and there are dogs wearing sweaters. This makes me so damn happy. I dash into Starbucks and get a breakfast sandwich (sausage and cheese, please) with a blueberry iced tea. $11.17
11 a.m. — I then run errands around town. I pay for 15 minutes of street parking ($0.62). $0.62
1:03 p.m. — I get home and straighten up my apartment (vacuum, sanitize bathroom/kitchen, and wash sheets). I remember that I have a professional cleaning credit on my account and add a reminder to my calendar to schedule it for two weeks out. Of course, I decide to make a mess of my newly-cleaned kitchen and cook my Italian Wedding Soup (which makes the apartment smell amazing) and Peanut Butter Oat Bars for meal prep.
4:27 p.m. — After a hot shower, I bundle up and sit on my balcony with a pumpkin spice candle, drinking a mug of hot apple cider, and reading Lori Gottlieb’s Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. I feel like an Autumnal Basic Bitch. Strike that. Autumnal Basic WITCH. Is it clear that I love fall by now?
6:18 p.m. — I decide to have the soup for dinner and want French bread to go with it. I live across the street from a grocery store, which basically means it is my extended pantry (case in point, I accidentally wear my slippers on this trip). On my way out I also grab two blueberry mint kombuchas for the week. $11.28
10 p.m. — I call it a night and read from bed until passing out.
Daily Total: $23.07
Day Six
6:26 a.m. — I wake up four minutes before my alarm. I consider it a win as it gives me more time to acclimate for the day. I have horrible abdominal cramps and worry I am getting my period. I have a Mirena (read: hormonal) IUD that is my best friend. It has reduced my periods from debilitating to light spotting two or three times a year. I hop in a hot bath (not my usual move in the morning) and put my makeup on as my cat tries to knock it off the ledge into the bathtub. I then quickly throw clothes on and head to the office.
10:15 a.m. — I finally surface from calls that started at 7:30. I finally have a break and grab my Peanut Butter Oat Bars (super yummy) for an energy boost. I check my email. No word from the recruiter. My anxiety swells.
1 p.m. — More meetings. Eat soup. Look for recipes.
5:07 p.m. — Head home from work on the bus and rush to try and beat C1. to my apartment.
5:37 p.m. — C1. arrives and we decide to make a homemade pizza for dinner. We head over to a fancy supermarket and grab pizza dough, marinara, a red bell pepper, pork chorizo sausage, pepperoni, two types of cheese, and arugula. $39.61
6:40 p.m. — While we are cooking C1. takes a sip of ginger beer that I realize is incredibly expired. We talk about when I bought it — the week we matched, actually — which leads to a discussion about how long we have been seeing each other. We decide to be ~exclusive~. I’m really excited!
9:30 p.m. — We watch an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and start making out by the nine-minute mark. C1. shares that he is all clear on the STD front. Cue sexy time. Worth the wait.
12:30 a.m. — C1. and I are both very light sleepers so he heads home and I pass out.
Daily Total: $39.61
Day Seven
6:08 a.m. — A large crash from the garbage truck wakes me up. Ugh.
7 a.m. — Another early morning call (this one was kind of a disaster). Before heading off to work, I watch an episode of Explained on Netflix while drinking Earl Grey tea.
1:12 p.m. — OH NO. I forgot my soup at home. I make a peanut butter waffle and have an apple in its place.
3:07 p.m. — I gossip with my colleague about our respective love and family lives. We meander around a TJ Maxx for 20 minutes and I miraculously don’t buy anything. When I get back to my desk, I see that my Subscribe & Save from Amazon was charged. I ordered air fresheners ($5.20), cat food ($27.87), and a “calming” cat collar (13.20). $46.27
5:15 p.m. — My anxiety has been through the roof today. I’ve been considering asking my therapist/primary care doctor for their opinion of prescribing me a low-dose anti-anxiety medication. Until I get that resolved, I’ll cope with cardio. I do 30 minutes on the elliptical and then a 15-minute strength routine I learned in knee physical therapy. As I’m changing, my phone chimes and I see an email from my “would be” boss at the new gig. She wants to talk timing and next steps on Friday! Yes, please.
6:30 p.m. — Time to head home and make moves in the kitchen (i.e. reheat the homemade pizza from last night in a cast iron skillet). My friend who had the engagement party arrives with wine to toast my job offer and I pour us each a glass. She just went back to school so we try to make our hangs relatively low cost.
9:30 p.m. — After she heads out, I hop in a bubble bath and finish my book. Sweet dreams!
Daily Total: $46.27
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Money Diaries are meant to reflect individual women’s experiences and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.
The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more money diaries, click here.
Do you have a Money Diary you’d like to share? Submit it with us here.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
It's been less than three weeks since fashion month came to an end, but now that the dust has settled on the four-week marathon, a tiny part of us can't help but miss the magic of it all. We miss the fashion dinners held at hole-in-the-wall French bistros, the shared Ubers between shows, and of course, the shows themselves. But if we had to choose just one aspect of fashion month that stuck with us most, it'd have the be the endless source of inspirationoff the runway: street style.
To fill that void, we're looking to the VIP Opening Night of 29Rooms, Refinery29's signature art and culture event, which brings style-minded attendees together across the world. From bustier corsets layered over button-downs to LBDs paired with chunky sneakers, the crew at Thursday night's event in Washington D.C. wasn't afraid to take some serious sartorial risks.
Get inspired by clicking through the 21 looks from 29Rooms D.C. in the slideshow ahead. And with stops still to come in Brooklyn and Los Angeles, you can bet that more #inspo will be arriving very, very soon. Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Whoever said suits were only for the office definitely never laid eyes on this standout houndstooth number. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.We're getting major Shakespeare In Love vibes from this bell sleeve + corset situation.Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.An oh-so-casual mini skirt + red lip combo.Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Poll: Team camo or team snakeskin?Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Catch us wearing mini dresses and knee-high boots for the remainder of fall. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Who doesn't love a good sporty polo cameo?Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Three cheers for the denim tuxedo!Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.The shinier the pants, the better. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Around your waist is officially last season: We're only wearing fanny packs cross body from now on. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.The shoes! The bag! The bustier top! This look is checking off all our boxes right now. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.We'll always stand behind a soft, printed skirt paired with a chunky pair of combat boots. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Mini backpack turned shoulder bag? We think yes! Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.From black to white to neutral, we're pairing subtle pops of red with everything this fall. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Who else suddenly wants to buy all-white Converses after seeing this 'fit? Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Mark our words: white boots are the go-to shoe of the season. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.She knows her angles and her footwear. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.No street style gallery is complete without a leopard print slip skirt. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.The bend and snap works every time. Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.A well-dressed trio if we've ever seen one.Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.When you find a backdrop that matches your hair, you can bet that a full photo shoot will commence.Photographed by Lauren Hyun.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Bomber jackets and blazers: It's true, we really do love it.Photographed by Lauren Hyun.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The road to gender parity is a slow-moving and bumpy one, especially in tech — but one such barrier to entry is the idea that you have to have majored in a STEM field to go on to work in the industry, which is becoming more and more untrue. According to a new study conducted by Handshake, a career-finding platform for college students in the U.S., 35 percent of 100,000 women who applied to software engineering and developer roles did not major in STEM-related subjects.
"More and more college students are discovering that the true value of their education is not defined by their major," says Christine Cruzvergara, VP, Higher Education & Student Success at Handshake. "College students without STEM degrees aspiring to work in the technology field should embrace and lean in to the skills and assets, including the ability to synthesize information, think critically, and communicate well, that they bring to the table. The unique perspective that these students bring to problem solving and finding creative solutions is just as valuable to employers as theoretical domain expertise, and deserves to be highlighted and emphasized through the recruitment and hiring process."
Ahead, we talked to eight women in tech — from a senior policy director at Spotify to a marine turned waitress turned software engineer at Adobe about how they broke into the industry and what advice they would give to their younger selves. Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Jody Kelman, Director of Product Management, AV, Lyft
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? A senator.
What did you study in school? Social Studies — a mix of economics, statistics, and philosophy. I was also a Fulbright Scholar and got my master’s degree from the University of Sydney.
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? We help Lyft passengers try self-driving technology just by opening their Lyft app in locations like Las Vegas and the greater Phoenix, AZ, area. For the majority of these riders, this is the first time they’ll experience self-driving technology. People are often surprised, thinking that self-driving technology is something far away in the future, but we’re actually doing it today, powered by some of the best self-driving technology companies like Waymo and Aptiv. So my job is to make sure people can take a self-driving Lyft ride as soon as possible, while making sure it's as safe and comfortable as possible.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? I would have realized that technology is an accessible field at a younger age. I really got interested in technology when I took a role on President Obama’s Technology, Innovation, and Government Reform transition team in 2008 to make recommendations to his administration on how technology could help them govern better. Until then, I didn’t understand how important many of the skills we learn as those with liberal arts degrees can be to thorny technology problems. I think about this daily in my role now, introducing self-driving technology to consumers.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? Stop being so scared! Do good work, be kind, and take big leaps, and the world will respond accordingly. In all honesty, I think I would still give this advice to my current self — anyone who tells you they grow out of fear isn’t pushing hard enough
Describe your career trajectory. I started my career in international development, working in Uganda in the human rights office of a local NGO. My job was to go village to village talking to women about their rights and how they could enforce them. My Fulbright in refugee policy ultimately led to a role at McKinsey and Company in their Sydney office, where I focused heavily on projects that had a public-private component: Australia’s green jobs policy, for example, or how to build a high-speed broadband network to support technology development across the country.
But it was really serving on President Obama’s transition team that got me excited by the power of technology and spurred my interest in working in tech. So when I moved to San Francisco in 2013, I was looking for a tech company that took a mission-driven approach. I was lucky enough to find a few of these — I started at Serena + Lily, an e-commerce company founded by two amazing female entrepreneurs that has a decidedly social entrepreneurial bent. And then in 2015, a friend introduced me to Lyft’s founders, and the rest is history!Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Olinda Hassan, Senior Policy Manager, Spotify
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? A flight attendant or a pilot — my family traveled a lot when I was a child and I was always fascinated by airplanes and the entire experience. I found flight attendants in the '90s to be glamorous — I loved how they dressed and since they smiled all the time, I assumed they were the happiest people in the world. I thought pilots, especially those who were women, were badass, and since I rarely saw any, I thought it might be cool to be the one in the cockpit.
What did you study school? I have a BA from Wellesley College in International Relations, Economics, and South Asia Studies, and a Masters in Public Administration from Cornell University.
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? I work with various stakeholders to make sure that our products are creating the best experience for our users. I help develop content policies that ensure that content on Spotify is safe and has user trust. This means that I have a lot of meetings with various stakeholders to better understand the product, new features, and what we can do better to experiment and get creative in supporting our ever-growing user base. It's a lot of person-to-person interaction, necessary coffee breaks, and tons of opportunity to learn about the business.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? I did not think that I would ever be in tech working on policy. I took a risk by connecting with the right people and boldly asking for opportunities. When I was at Cornell, I didn't even know that policy jobs existed in tech. I networked with an alumna who happened to work in policy and then we kept in touch, so when an internship came up, I eagerly applied. I would not change a thing.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? Worry less. For my family, who are immigrants from Bangladesh, their thought was that we get an education to become a doctor or a lawyer, or maybe work in finance. They didn't understand (and neither did I), that there could be other careers that would make me happy and challenged. I would tell my younger self to take more risks, and also take time to learn— going up the ladder in your career is no straight path.
Also, seek feedback. I wish I hadn't been afraid to ask for more feedback or assumed that everything would be a criticism. We are often hard on ourselves and forget that asking for feedback shows maturity, gives you direct action items to grow, and also builds trust.
Describe your career trajectory. After college, I was a Fulbright Fellow in Bangladesh. I taught English and worked on research that evaluated the use of mobile technology among the youth in public education. That's where my interested in technology and society stems from. I was fascinated by how global social media and other internet platforms have become and the different ways that communities use them.
While at Cornell, I was able to get an internship with Twitter's Trust & Safety team. That's where I really learned what policy-building looked like and how complex it can be to balance business goals and user experience. I was at Twitter for four and a half years in San Francisco, working on various policy issues and products when I had the opportunity to join Spotify and move to New York.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Seema Lakhani, Chief Product Officer at Wattpad and General Manager of Wattpad Labs
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wasn’t entirely sure. At times I wanted to be an entrepreneur like my parents, and at other times I wanted to pursue something in the arts, something creative. I definitely cared about making an impact though.
What did you study in school? I went to the Ivey Business School at Western University and graduated with an Honors in Business Administration with a Certificate in Entrepreneurship.
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? I wear many hats at Wattpad! As Chief Product Officer, I lead Wattpad’s overall product strategy and product management team. This means building a practice of strong product thinking to focus on solving the right user and business problems. We’ve introduced a number of new product innovations and monetization models in recent years, including Wattpad Paid Stories, our company’s exclusive paid content program, and Wattpad Premium, our company’s ad-free tier.
As General Manager of Wattpad Labs, I’m responsible for the research and development side of our business, creating storytelling innovations that can support and grow our business. As an example, my team developed Wattpad’s Story DNA Machine Learning technology, which we use to personalize Wattpad and find stand-out stories among the hundreds of millions of uploads on the platform.
And I also lead Wattpad’s Diversity & Inclusion committee, where we develop initiatives to make Wattpad a truly inclusive workplace where people can be their authentic selves. We want to push the industry to also be more welcoming and produce technology that really is for everyone. Our intersectional programs have resulted in Wattpad being a place where people of color make up close to half (45 percent) of all employees. 21 percent of Wattpad employees are women of color, 15 percent are non-native English speakers, 8 percent identify as having a disability, 13 percent identify as LGBTQ+, and 3 percent are transgender. This is the real work of making tech a more diverse and inclusive space for everyone, and I’m proud to be leading these efforts.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? I didn’t gravitate toward the tech industry at the start of my career. I was much more interested in the arts and how I could merge creativity with strategic business thinking. It wasn’t until after university and some time in management consulting that I became interested in tech, particularly the dynamic between people and products. In my early 20s, I was also heavily involved in the comedy scene in Toronto and founded a sketch comedy troupe with a number of others after studying improv at Second City. This incredible experience taught me how to cope with being in environments where anything can happen and that sometimes you have to trust your gut instinct. Perfect for working at a startup! So, while I didn’t start out in the industry I ended up in, each job and passion helped shape my experience and contributes to the work I do every day at Wattpad. I wouldn’t change a thing.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? Making career decisions comes down to knowing yourself and what you want, and it's okay if it's different from what others want. Everyone is in a different place from the person next to them. We all have different values, experiences, and privileges, so sharing universal advice is often difficult. For me, the thing that helped the most was being self-reflective and in touch with my values. I would tell myself to follow those values above all else and not worry as much about all the other noise.
Describe your career trajectory. After graduating from university, my first job was in management consulting. I quickly realized that this wasn’t my passion. I didn’t want to stay in a traditional business environment, so I turned my sights to working at a startup incubator, where I didn’t need to choose between being strategic and hands-on. I joined Torstar Digital, the digital arm of Canada’s biggest newspaper, leading the strategy for disruptive innovation before joining the business team at Wattpad.
From there, I transitioned into product management and then became Head of Product. I also became GM of Wattpad Labs before taking on my current role as Chief Product Officer (while remaining GM of Wattpad Labs). I have been able to marry my background in business with my passion for tech and creating responsible products that improve lives and allow people to express themselves. Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Allie Shaw, Software Engineer, Adobe
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I would’ve never imagined I would be a software engineer! I wanted to be either a dolphin trainer at Sea World or the president of the United States.
What did you study in school? I struggled early on in school and actually went to a nontraditional high school. I used to get really frustrated with my school work when I didn’t get things right away, or when I wasn’t immediately good at the things I was learning. Because of the school I went to, I didn’t have college scholarship options. I also didn’t have money saved for college. But after graduating high school, I decided I did want to pursue higher education. I joined the United Stated Marine Corps so that I could use the G.I. Bill to go to college and get some work experience.
After my term was up, I went to school for nursing for a while, but it didn’t feel like the right path for me. After that, I started teaching myself to code, and I fell in love with it. It was the first thing I had tried that really intrigued me. I found that I actually didn’t want to put down my computer at the end of the day. I wanted to keep learning. Around this time, I heard about the Adobe Digital Academy, a program that provides an accelerated path into tech careers for candidates from nontraditional backgrounds. Adobe offers a scholarship and living stipend for candidates to attend a 12-week immersive bootcamp, followed by an opportunity to interview for an apprenticeship at Adobe, and then potentially land a full-time role. The program allowed me to go all-in and focus on learning coding as quickly as I could. After the bootcamp, I was offered the apprenticeship, and then a full-time role as a software engineer.
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? I get to work on Adobe Analytics products in partnership with not only my team, but other teams as well. A typical day for me might include working on bugs and features, releasing new versions of our product, and collaborating across teams. I love that I have an outside-in view of the product since it’s all still fairly new to me, and I get to bring in a fresh perspective to the things my team is working on.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? While my path might be somewhat unique compared to other software engineers on my team, I wouldn’t change how I got here. I’ve learned so much along the way that prepared me for the role I’m in now. I learned values in the military that shaped me into how I conduct myself professionally. Learning web development in only 12 weeks furthered my grit and perseverance. I’m still learning how to overcome imposter syndrome and am lucky to have the support of my team guiding me. I think all of this has added up to make me who I am today, so while I could have taken a different path and maybe gotten here a little sooner, I think I took the path that was right for me.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? I think I would have told myself to be more patient and forgiving with myself. I thought I was limited in what I could accomplish professionally because of the school I went to and the path I had taken. One of the biggest thing I’ve learned is that almost everyone experiences imposter syndrome, whether you’re brand new in your role or you’ve worked at a company for 20 years. Most of us have that feeling some days that we aren’t qualified enough to be in the role we’re in, or that we somehow snuck our way in. My advice would be to not let your past dictate your future, and to acknowledge that imposter syndrome is a feeling that can be conquered.
Describe your career trajectory. I served as an Administrative Specialist in the Marine Corps. After my Marine Corps career, I wanted to go on to explore other options. I wanted to go to school and decided to study nursing, but I wasn’t really set on it.
I decided to take a break from school and explore other options and save the limited months left on my G.I. Bill for something I was passionate about. When I started learning how to code, I was waiting tables. It was then that I heard about the Adobe Digital Academy from a friend. The program really spoke to me because a major technology company was willing to take people who had no knowledge of coding, teach them how to code, and then give them an apprenticeship and the potential for a full-time role. It was less than a one-year journey from starting the bootcamp to being hired full time. I had several mentors, on my own team and other teams, that helped me feel like I fit in and I could do this, even though some days were extremely hard. All of that combined helped me land my current role.
I went from the military to waiting tables to being a software engineer. Growth mindset is something I’ve learned is so important. We all have to work through that imposter syndrome and the fear that we don’t belong or can’t succeed. Having a network to help you through this and encourage you is so important. I’m involved with an organization called Operation Code that helps other veterans get into tech.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Iris Nevins, Software Engineer, Mailchimp
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a lawyer.
What did you study school? I have a bachelor’s degree in Africana Studies from Pomona College. It’s an interdisciplinary degree that looks at the history, economics, politics, psychology, and literature of the African Diaspora.
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? I am a product engineer, which means I work on Mailchimp’s software products. I help to create new features and update existing features in our all-in-one marketing platform, and I fix bugs. So my day-to-day is a mixture of working on technical assignments, participating in planning meetings, and contributing to non-technical engineering initiatives.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? There’s really nothing I would change, because I believe everything happens for a reason.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? I would say: Follow your passions. Let that lead you and don’t get distracted.
Describe your career trajectory. My first job was in finance selling life insurance and investments. After that, I went into community organizing, then teaching, then software engineering. While teaching, I continued doing grassroots organizing on the side. I wanted to help the organizations I was working with become more tech savvy, so I started teaching myself how to code. I decided to become a software engineer once I realized what coding was and that the ability to build/design software is pretty much a super power. Eventually I quit teaching to pursue software engineering full-time with the goal of finding ways to use tech to help progressive activists become more effective. I definitely have a knack for management and leadership, so eventually I’d like to go into engineering management.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Asha Sharma, Head of Product, Messenger, Facebook
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? NFL Team Physician (I’m from Wisconsin, Go Packers!)
What did you study school? I have a BSB from Carlson School of Management, University of Minnesota.
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? Every day is entirely different, but the commonality is problem solving, understanding our users, and having ambition to serve our mission.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? 100percent, but I try to see the journey as the reward.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? Focus on what you want to do — not on what you want to be.
Describe your career trajectory. My first “real job” was working as a park attendant at a golf course so I could pay for university. That led me to a finance internship for the company that owned the golf course (SC Johnson). From there, I explored most functional disciplines in companies across continents and industries while eventually starting a few companies of my own. I learned a lot, met remarkable mentors, failed many times, and discovered what I cared about most. I now build products at Facebook because it has the parts of my journey that I’ve loved the most: a mission that I deeply believe in, unforgettable people, and society-changing impact. Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Emuye Reynolds, Head of Mobile, Superhuman
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I actually wanted to a different type of engineer! I wanted to be a train conductor.
What did you study in school? I hold a BS in Computer Science from Brown University. I signed up for a computer science class my freshman year with no programming background, and frankly had no idea what I was doing. Despite the initial hurdles, I fell in love with computer science. I was totally immersed in the work and knew I wanted to pursue it as a career. When I graduated in 2006, I was the first Black woman at Brown University to graduate with a computer science degree since 1984.
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? As Head of Mobile, I lead product and engineering for Superhuman’s mobile app. On a day-to-day basis, I write code, think about product, mentor people, meet with companies, and recruit. I get to work with my team to solve problems that no one knows the solutions to yet. The role is fun and dynamic, and I’m learning every day. Early on, I worked on architecture and the pre-alpha app while building out our mobile team. As my team has grown, my role has also transformed. My role now involves helping our engineers reach their own individual goals while we work as a team toward our collective goal of building the fastest email experience in the world. In addition to mobile product and engineering, I also lead our customer delight team. We’re a team that ensures that every single customer has a delightful experience with Superhuman.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? That’s an interesting question. In one sense, I think that all of my career experiences have brought me to where I am today. Even the more difficult challenges have been learning experiences that contributed to later successes.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? Be comfortable with your discomfort. Diving into new experiences will help you grow faster, while staying in your comfort zone will inhibit growth. And find mentors. There is a lot to learn from the people who have been there before, and you will benefit from their wisdom.
Describe your career trajectory. I interned at Microsoft in college, but after graduating in 2006, I wanted to work for a company that was completely different. At the time, that was Apple. The team I joined turned out to be the Apple TV team — before Apple TV even existed. I was part of the team for the first three iterations of the product, from 2006 to 2011. In the first year, my team and I routinely worked 80 hour weeks. It was exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. I then spent three years as a developer and product manager at Zite, joining a small team and staying through the company’s integration into Flipboard. After shorter stints at The Factory and MoveWith, where I was Head of Technology and Mobile, I decided to join Superhuman. In fact, I was ready to accept another offer when I got a persuasive email from Superhuman’s co-founder. After just a couple of conversations, I knew walking away from the opportunity would be a mistake.
There were a few things that stood out to me about Superhuman from the very beginning. First, the high-quality work: I saw a diligent team obsessed with detail and dedicated to user experience. Second, the ambitious vision: email is ubiquitous and used in a million different ways. It takes boldness to commit to building the world’s most powerful email experience. Finally, the kindness and respect we have for one another. This quality is often overlooked in the job search, but it is absolutely critical. This has allowed us to build a close team of wonderful people who are brilliant at what they do. Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Ann Woo, Senior Director, Corporate Citizenship, Samsung
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? As a young kid, I really wanted to be the President of the United States. I even pasted my kindergarten school photo into our home encyclopedia set under “President.” I always thought it was possible because my immigrant parents had told me that the requirements were to be born in the States (check), and to make it to 35 years of age, which I was fairly confident I could do. As President, I dreamed that I could fix injustices and close the gaps in gender and racial equality, and that the best way to bring about change was to set an example for others to follow.
Later on, I found that I had talent in coding. I really loved the empowerment of being on a computer and knowing how to command it. I even won a student competition in elementary school, prompting my parents to purchase a PC that very night. I continued taking computer programming classes throughout high school and college, but unfortunately, I stopped pursuing it since I didn’t see many women interested in it as a field of study. In my current role, my team is actively working to change that, and it’s amazing how far we’ve come as a society since then — but there’s definitely still work to do!
How would you explain your day-to-day role at your job? My day-to-day role is to work with my colleagues on the Citizenship team on programs, which may include reviewing strategic programs like our flagship initiative the Samsung Solve for Tomorrow Contest, ideating on new potential programs, talking with charity partners to learn about their latest initiatives, and so much more. The Samsung Solve for Tomorrow Contest challenges sixth to 12th grade public school students and teachers to use STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) to address issues in their communities. Right now, I’m helping my team review applications from teachers and students around the country before the deadline on October 23 (if you’re a teacher reading this, please apply!). The contest is one of the biggest initiatives we work on, and each year I am completely blown away by the incredible ideas that are presented.
I also spend a lot of time reading and meeting people to best understand the social issues of the moment and their underlying root causes.
If you could, would you change anything in your career trajectory? Looking back at my career, I’ve had the privilege of working at companies of all sizes — some with a local focus and others with an international focus. While the types of companies have varied, the common threads have always been a respect for the power of data to deliver insights and an understanding of the humanity required in good decision-making. (For reference, my roles have mainly been in strategic market and consumer insights, and later in marketing strategy). At Samsung, our work gets to drive positive social impact in quantifiable ways, while helping to unlock people’s potential. I love hearing from students about the impact the contest has on them each year and how many are actually inspired to pursue STEM after, not always realizing the opportunities before.
What professional advice would you give your younger self? I would tell myself to keep pursuing my passions – no matter the obstacles. Finding a mentor is invaluable as well, especially someone who has dealt with some of the same challenges as you have. I absolutely love what I do now, but who knows, maybe if I had found a female mentor in computer science I would have been more confident to pursue that path.
Describe your career trajectory. All of my previous roles in my career, including my start at Samsung, began with understanding the story behind data. From my first role as a Project Coordinator at Voter News Service looking at data trends to understand voting patterns, to identifying emerging social issues among youth, or later to track purchase decision patterns among B2B customers, my roles have always been to humanize and give a voice to something not always easily understood. I’m lucky to have found a role that allows use of the left and right sides of my brain.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
There are few colors more divisive than orange — probably because it's generally thought of in its brightest, least wearable forms, like that of a pumpkin or traffic cone. But we've been seeing more appealing shades of orange in the fashion zeitgeist, from terracotta-colored leather bags to burnt-orange padded headbands, all over fashion week street style this season, proving that when the shade works, it really works.
Where cute accessory trends lead, nail-art inspiration tends to follow, so it's no surprise that the orange manicure is on the rise — and made even cooler with minimalist art.
From French tips to earthy gradient, we've assembled the seven chicest nail-art designs that are changing orange's intimidating rep for the better. Find your new favorite fall accessory, ahead.
Foil Overlay
Diagonal gold foils make a chic and reflective accent to any matte manicure, especially a burnt-orange base.
Animal Print
Color Camp, L.A.'s chic, mani-only nail bar, makes an on-trend tiger stripe manicure feel fresh for fall by grounding the look in a rich shade of orange.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.PARIS, FRANCE – OCTOBER 01: Louis Vuitton designer Nicolas Ghesquiere walks the runway during the Louis Vuitton Womenswear Spring/Summer 2020 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on October 01, 2019 in Paris, France. (Photo by Stephane Cardinale – Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images)
Last week, Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy chairman and chief executive officer Bernard Arnault welcomed Donald Trump in rural Alvarado, Texas for a ribbon-cutting ceremony at Louis Vuitton’s new leather goods workshop. While Arnault praised Trump to WWD last Thursday — saying, “We are very honored to have the president of the United States. I’m not here to judge any types of policies. I’m here to work with my brand and we are going to, over five years, have 1,000 people working here and that’s what matters” — Louis Vuitton’s artistic director of women’s collections, Nicolas Ghesquiére, is making it clear he is very anti-Trump.
On Sunday, Ghesquiére commented on the matter publicly via Instagram, writing “Standing against any political action. I am a fashion designer refusing this association.” Under a photo of the cover of the 1984 Evelyn Thomas club hit “High Energy”, the designer added the hashtags #TrumpIsAJoke and #Homophobia.
It’s not surprising Ghesquiére would continue to use his platform to champion inclusivity. The designer makes a point to support the LGBTQ+ community, consistently casting transgender models in his runway show. He brought on Pose star Indya Moore as the face for Louis Vuitton’s jewelry campaign. Teddy Quinlivan has worked with Ghesquière repeatedly at LV and she shared her support on the post, writing: “Thank you for standing on the right side of history.”
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
MoviePass was laid to rest in September, but if you thought your monthly charges were too, you might have to think again. Like most seemingly too-good things that don’t have a catch, MoviePass turned out to have one. Or three. Remember when the subscription service changed its $15-for-two-movies-a-month plan to an “unlimited” plan that offered a movie a day for just $10 per month? As a surprise to no one, this did not last — and instead, users were hit with restrictions and price increases until the company shut down on September 14. But the New York Post reported last week that some former users are still being charged for the service.
A big middle finger to #moviepass, which despite having closed on 9/14, is still charging my card ($4.64 for no service).
Canceling my card, but there’s a reason why this company failed. #cancelled
@MoviePass Please explain why I was just charged for your service, when your service is currently down. I’m only contacting you via twitter because your website has lost the feature to communicate with you.
In an email statement to the Post, MoviePass CEO Mitch Lowe denied that users have been charged following the shutdown of the service. But if you were once a MoviePass user, particularly one who used the service until the end, be sure to check your credit card statement to make sure you haven’t been charged for a service you’re no longer using.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.You're all packed up. You've planned the obligatory OOO Instagram. But before you take off for a week of R&R, you (unfortunately) have to be in transit. No matter how relaxing this vacation is meant to be, there are unique stresses to each means of transportation. And odds are, if you're dashing through the airport or train station, it's less Sam running after Joanna and more schlepping across terminals with one too many carry-ons, narrowly making your connection. Yeah, we've been there (and watched and rewatched Love Actually every step of the way).
However, we've learned that a solid pair of shoes can make the whole experience so much smoother — whether it's supporting our arches during long hours of travel, keeping us moving as we jet from A to B and sometimes C, or just giving us something pretty to look at when our flight's delayed. So we've found 22 easy shoes for the endless wanderer: These sneakers, espadrilles, and sandals slip on and off quickly at security checkpoints, are primed for long walks (or laps around the bus station), and can be worn with socks for hours on end in chilly cabins (yes, even the sandals). Click through for the travel footwear you need before you jet off.
At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission. Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
“Bass suede penny loafer driving shoes. They’re fashionable, classy, and super comfortable. I have TSA PreCheck so even though I could take them off, I don’t have to.” — Jennifer, travels weekly
Bass Patricia Driver, $, available at Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
"I love my Rothy flats — they're super comfy and they slip on and off easily for security or for going to and from the bathroom on the plane (but keep a pair of socks in your bag!)” — Paige, travels every 4-6 weeks"
Rothy's Flame Flats, $, available at Rothy'sImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
"I refuse to subscribe to the whole thing of wearing your bulkiest shoe because that's always a heeled bootie and I'm not trying to do that on a 7am flight. ALWAYS cute comfy sneakers or flat boots with a backup pair of long socks to cover my ankles that get super cold.” – Sloan, travels 4-5 times per year"
Gola Anthropologie Gola Rainbow Stripe Sneakers, $, available at AnthropologieImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.BOSTON, MA – AUGUST 27: Lori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli, behind her at left, leave the John Joseph Moakley United States Courthouse in Boston on Aug. 27, 2019. A judge says actress Lori Loughlin and her fashion designer husband, Mossimo Giannulli, can continue using a law firm that recently represented the University of Southern California. The couple appeared in Boston federal court on Tuesday to settle a dispute over their choice of lawyers in a sweeping college admissions bribery case. Prosecutors had said their lawyers pose a potential conflict of interest. Loughlin and Giannulli say the firms work for USC was unrelated to the admissions case and was handled by different lawyers. (Photo by John Tlumacki/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)
Loughlin and her husband, fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli — amongst other parents in the so-called “Varsity Blues” college admissions scandal — were hit with a Federal Program Bribery charge from the U.S. Attorney in Boston. The new charge stems from the fact that the University of Southern California, where Loughlin and Giannulli allegedly paid officials to ensure their daughters’ admission, receives some federal funding.
Back in April, Loughlin and Giannulli pled not guilty to the charges levied against them, which include conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and honest services mail and wire fraud, and conspiracy to commit money laundering. A report from TMZ claims that a plea bargain is still on the table, though it appears that Loughlin and Giannulli are hoping to beat the charges at trial.
Whoever said activewear belongs in the gym clearly hadn’t laid eyes on this brand new collaboration from Roksanda and lululemon. Fusing the fashion designer’s feminine silhouettes with the active brand’s high-grade gym gear, the new collection serves those who want their workout wear to be both highly functional and highly fashionable.
Following in the footsteps ofStella McCartney x adidas and Victoria Beckham x Reebok, Roksanda’s latest collaboration is further confirmation that modern gymwear is seriously stepping it up a notch. Taking the practicality and comfort of workout gear and giving it a runway style makeover, the resulting clothes easily double up as everyday wear. Because who wants to dress that good and only have it seen by people in the gym?
The 17-piece collection launches in stores and online on October 22, and includes a variety of longline puffer coats and billowing windbreakers as well as a multitude of brightly colored sports bras, leggings and running shorts. The collection also incorporates a series of luxe garments, including a multicolored hooded cape and flowing yoga skirt (although maybe avoid downward dog in this one).
Designed to "fit into every aspect of a woman’s day", the innovative use of water-resistant fabrics makes even the most sophisticated pieces in the collection fit for a sweaty workout. But the true appeal of these clothes is that you can go from the gym to the office without having to change in the public bathroom.
Roksanda x lululemon is available to shop now, but if you miss out on the first release, the designer will be launching her second collection in January 2020, just in time for that New Year's gym membership.
At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Roksanda x lululemon Inner Expanse Bra, $, available at lululemonImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Roksanda x lululemon Inner Expanse Infinity Coat, $, available at lululemonImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Roksanda x lululemon Face Forward Duffel, $, available at lululemonImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Roksanda x lululemon Face Forward Skirt, $, available at lululemonImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Roksanda x lululemon Break New Ground Swiftly, $, available at lululemon
Roksanda x lululemon Break New Ground Short, $, available at lululemonImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Roksanda x lululemon Break New Ground Hair Zip, $, available at lululemon
Roksanda x lululemon Break New Ground Short, $, available at lululemonImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Roksanda x lululemon Face Forward Define Jacket, $, available at lululemon
Roksanda x lululemon Inner Expanse Bra, $, available at lululemon
Roksanda x lululemon Inner Expanse Tight, $, available at lululemon
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Burrow, the modular sofa mastermind, just launched its first-ever line of rugs. The new home collection aligns with the company's convenience-first mission of cutting out confusing pricing, sizes, and inconsistent quality options to make luxury goods more accessible — starting with direct customer feedback on what styles we actually want inside our spaces.
The eight rugs Burrow came up with are strategically crafted to fit multiple lifestyle needs; ranging from functional with kid- and pet-friendly options to fashionable with luxurious and plush, and even sustainable with options crafted from recycled materials. “When we approach new products, we ask what our customers need. We know that shopping for rugs online can be difficult – so we’ve developed a purposeful assortment considering both style and functionality, and clearly communicated the benefits of each," the VP of product, Evan Clabots, explained in a press release. Hand-crafted with ethically sourced material in India, each rug is available in two sizes (5' x 8' or 8' x 10') optimized for fitting in with sofas and coffee tables.
Ahead, shop the new goods that were crafted to fit your lifestyle and living space — from modern-patterned wool weaves to hand-tufted bohemian disco designs, extra-soft jute styles, and more.
At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
The diamond design on this 100% hand-tufted wool rug is a balanced mix of statement and neutral styles (with just a hint of retro Art Deco and elegant prep).
Burrow Empire Rug, $, available at BurrowImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
"Disco never disappeared, as far as this exciting pattern is concerned," this rug's description states — and we couldn't agree more. The hand-tufted wool blend in an eclectic, blush-toned pattern is giving us major boho-chic vibes.
Burrow Playa Rug, $, available at BurrowImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Although admittedly, this shag-tufted wool rug will shed a bit at first, it's still crafted to shed significantly less than traditional Morrocan styles — and we're loving the smooth, dark gray zig-zags as a contrasting color and pattern pop.
Burrow Ridge Rug, $, available at BurrowImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Crafted from tufted wool viscose with alternating cut-and-loop pile design, the Prarie-Modern is meant to echo MCM stained-glass style in an earthy warm-toned palette.
Burrow Prairie Modern Rug, $, available at BurrowImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
The name of this honey-hued style alone is enough to mellow our moods — described as durable and easy to clean yet still soft, this hand-tufted rug is crafted from recycled polyester materials.
Burrow Amber Waves Rug, $, available at BurrowImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
An elevated take on the chevron rugs of college years past — and this heathered pattern in a neutral gray flat-weave style isn't just chic, it's also pet-friendly too.
Burrow Cape House Rug, $, available at BurrowImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Burrow's answer to the ever-popular jute rug, but faux — AKA softer and with less shedding. The Cabana is a durable, low-maintenance style crafted from stain-proof fibers that will bring understated tropical warmth to any space.
Financial wellness is a watery term. For some, it’s about homeownership. For others, it’s about paying rent on time. For plenty, it’s about budgeting for a daily oat-milk latte. We all arrive at adulthood with different levels of privilege, different cumulative debts, and different spending habits — and for all of us, monetary stability is personal.
That’s why we partnered with Prudential Financial, a company that's as devoted to promoting your financial wellness as you are, to explore the ways women are managing their well-being in 2019. Is it about paying off debt? Investing in a home? Putting money aside for an emergency? We vowed to find out — so we reached out to five different women and asked them how they define financial wellness, and whether or not they believe they’ve achieved it. Ahead, see if their definitions align with yours.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Elizabeth, 38 San Francisco, CA Public Relations “For years, my definition of financial stability was about not living paycheck to paycheck. And that's a low bar. Only recently, as I've grown professionally, have I been able to actually save. I always laughed at the idea that financial experts suggest a cash stash equal to six months of living expenses. What millennial can do that? I've never been a careless spender and, in fact, did not get a credit card until my late 20s, because I already was staring into the yawning abyss of student loans and didn't want more debt to my name. Luckily, I’ve been able to pay down my student loans dramatically in the last five years, and it's the first time since graduating from grad school that I have been able to take a deep breath.
“Now, I'm trying to plan for the future with a better savings account, a strong 401(k), and the like. Currently, financial wellness, for me, means having a decent savings account and planning ahead for retirement. As a woman and a child of immigrants, it is the cultural expectation that I will care for my parents as they age. As of the last five years, I feel confident in my ability to bear that responsibility.”Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Cynia, 28 Bronx, New York Advertising
“To me, financial wellness is about having a healthy relationship with money. The wealth gap that exists in America is absurd for people of color. It feels like I have a long life of playing catch-up ahead of me. I am Black and a woman, so my identity plays into my earning capabilities. My parents will never pay for my wedding, buy me a car, or give me a down payment for a house, so everything is on my back alone.
“That said, I make six figures now, and the best financial advice I have ever received is to pay yourself first (in the same way you might prioritize a bill). I live by this. Every month, without fail, I set aside money for my savings. And it’s made all the difference for me.” Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Maggie, 34 Video Production Milwaukee, WI “Being financially well, for me, means that I know I can pay all of my bills, I have a couple months of savings in the bank, and I have some ‘fun’ money put aside. It means I don't have to check my account balance before going out, because I am confident that I have the money I need to live the life I want. I don't want to count each dollar or be so careful about my spending that I don’t get to actually enjoy it.
“I think financial wellness is about facing your finances and knowing the truth about how much debt you have, what you're spending, etc. I don't think I really achieved financial wellness until I had a full-time, salaried job. Before, as a bartender, I couldn't rely on consistent money, but now I have a standard paycheck (for the time being).
“Growing up, I don't think I had great patterns modeled for me, financially. When I went to college, my parents encouraged me to take out the max amount of loans so I could focus on my studies and not have to work. Looking back, I’m not sure that was the right decision. At the same time, my parents and I do share a belief in treating yourself. No, that does not mean taking a spa day whenever you want — it's about getting an ice cream cone or going to a movie without overthinking it. They definitely taught me that money is a way to buy small forms of happiness, even if they’re just tiny pleasures.”Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Cara, 45 Brand Manager New York, NY “I’ve never felt completely financially ‘well,’ even though if one were to take a look at my numbers, they'd probably say I am. I grew up in an immigrant family and then spent 10 years as a freelancer, never knowing if I was going to make enough money. I'm always worried about going completely broke if I'm not ultra-vigilant about my spending and saving habits. I only just bought a studio apartment after renting for 25 years. I’ve never owned a car or raised kids. I ride a bike to work.
“I always admire people who go big and spend loads of money on something they just really want, without thinking too hard about it. That seems like financial wellness to me. Even if I never spend carelessly, it's nice to work towards a version of spending where I feel comfortable purchasing things that I really do want.” Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Whitney, 33 Business Operations Los Angeles, CA “My definition of financial stability is the ability to pay rent while maintaining a modest emergency savings fund. I was lucky enough to come out of college debt-free, but it wasn’t until I was 25 or so that I stopped feeling like I had to worry about whether or not I would make rent.
“Growing up, I had this idea that owning a home was the only way to be financially well, but I now think that homeownership is more of a personal value. It’s not at the core of financial wellness for everyone — and right now, it’s not particularly important to me. Instead, I want to be able to do the things that are currently important to me, like travel and experiences.
“As women, the financial advice we often get is centered around savings (i.e., don't buy coffee), rather than smart investing. I didn't feel financially well until this year, largely because I learned how to invest and plan ahead for the first time. I got a financial planner who helped me map out my investment strategy, so now I can feel more confident in both spending and saving. This is something I would suggest to everyone, as it truly makes a difference in the long run.”
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
We're not trying to rush the calendar, but we simply want to remind you that everyone's favorite fall holiday will be here in just a week and a half. If you can't bring yourself to step into your local Spirit Halloween just yet, you can subtly ease into the season by adding shades of orange and black to your fingernails.
For some suggestions on how to do that in the least cheesy way possible, we've amassed a few Halloween nail-art looks that will be big this season. From glossy black with dripping accents to minimalist pumpkin-orange French tips, scroll through to find your chic Halloween-ish manicure — the kind you'll want to wear now and well into November.The speckled tortoiseshell tip is trendy and just happens to have the Halloween appropriate burnt-orange and black color play.If you're partial to the traditional French tip, just make your go-to nail design orange for October.That's festive enough, right?Think black bubbling cauldron, but make it chic.The orbit nail is edgy on its own, and a jet-black polish makes it ideal for the spooky season.We're calling it: A gold crescent-moon decal in the middle of a black French mani is the cool-girl way to do seasonal nail art.Just when you thought candy corn was tacky...Essie'sglobal nail artist, Rita Remark, calls this look the "Harvest Moon mani." The copper-orange polish, called Rust Worthy, comes from the brand's fall collection.Any way you slice it, there are three polishes you'll want to use in tandem for Halloween-inspired designs: black, orange, and something shimmery.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Like this post? There's more. Get tons of beauty tips, tutorials, and inspiration on the Refinery29 Pinterest page — we'll see you there! A straight French tip with bright-orange polish is festive, but even cooler with a curved glitter accent.stars
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
From ghosting to breadcrumbing to benching, sometimes it feels like we need an entire dictionary of words describing annoying dating behaviors. Well, someone call Merriam-Webster, because there’s a new term to learn: Paperclipping.
We’re not talking about any old paperclips here, but a particular paperclip that millennials know very well: Clippy, the Microsoft Word icon that would pop up to ask if you needed help writing a letter or formatting a resume. Microsoft retired Clippy back in 2007, but he lives on in our memes and memories.
So what does Clippy have to do with dating? This summer, illustrator Samantha Rothenberg used the infamous icon as a visual for a certain kind of flaky behavior. A post on her Instagram account, Violet Claire, shows Clippy voicing some too-familiar sentiments.
“Sometimes I pop up for no reason at all,” Clippy says in the illustration. “See, the truth is, I’m damaged, flaky, and not particularly interested in you. But I don’t want you to forget I exist.”
A post shared by Samantha Rothenberg (@violetclair) on Jul 18, 2019 at 9:29am PDT
Rothenberg’s ‘gram went viral, and now “paperclipping” has been covered by the New York Post, Glamour, and NBC News, among other publications.
“To me, paperclipping is when someone has you on the back burner and feels like you’re about to go cold. They’ll reach out — not in attempt to see you, or move things forward — but to re-stoke the flame and make sure you’re still an option,” Rothenberg tells Refinery29. “It’s wildly common, and there’s something empowering about putting a name to the action — now, rather than letting a papperclipper give you false hope, you can call it out for what it is and move on.”
If you’re guilty of paperclipping someone, stop that immediately, eharmony’s resident relationship expert Dr. Seth Meyers tells Refinery29. “People who paperclip others should think more about the feelings of the other person,” Dr. Meyers says. “The goal is to become more sensitive and compassionate in your relationships. Discontinuing this insensitive behavior and becoming more sensitive can set the stage for the kind of emotional maturity they’ll need if they want to sustain a good relationship in the future.”
As for when your ex paperclips you? “While there are exceptions to every rule, a general rule to follow is to avoid people who have already shown you disrespect in the past,” Dr. Meyers says. “Research shows the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.”
While you can just ignore your paperclipper, you might decide to tell them you know what they’re up to. “I’ve had several people send me screenshots of them sending my comic to people who attempted to paperclip them,” Rothenberg says.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
My dating app inboxes are full of dozens of conversations just like this: “Hey,” a match messages me. “Hi,” I respond. “How are you?” they say. “I’m pretty good, you?” I answer. “I’m good,” they say.
Then, the conversation ends. Maybe a few weeks later, they’ll message “hey” again. This time, I probably won’t answer. (While I could put more effort into my responses, I tend to save that for convos I’m initiating… or for people who say a little more than “hey.”)
Turning your dating app match into a real-life date isn’t impossible, but it generally requires more effort than a three-letter word. We talked to the experts to find out what you should be doing differently.
Actually fill out your bio
If your bio is blank, or contains nothing but the emoji for your zodiac sign, your matches might not be able to think of much to say besides “hey.” Even a few lines about yourself can make it much easier to get a conversation flowing. “Your bio is a space to set your intentions, so if you’re someone who likes to get to know your potential match over a drink or through an activity, make it clear upfront,” a Tinder spokesperson tells Refinery29.
They suggest, “Include some fun activities you’re interested in trying this winter or bars, restaurants you want to try — let your match choose one and you’ll be checking off a bucket list item while on a first date!”
Don’t begin with “hey”
I feel validated: the experts agree that “hey” doesn’t cut it. “There’s a ton of single people out there, so your opening message really needs to stand out if you want to land a date IRL,” Melissa Hobley, Global Chief Marketing Officer at OkCupid, tells Refinery29.
She adds, “One thing so many people are guilty of is sending ‘hey’ as a first message. This doesn’t make anybody want to engage in a conversation with you, and actually has an 84% chance of being completely ignored.”
Be specific
So, if you can’t say “hey,” what should you say? “Instead, take a look at their profile and comment on something specific that you like,” Hobley suggests. “Maybe you noticed they love hiking or going to concerts. If they like traveling, ask them about their last trip! This will help get the conversation going, and make the person interested in meeting up with you to chat more.”
Make plans — soon
Once the conversation is flowing, ask your match if they’d like to grab coffee or a drink — ideally within the next few days, not three weeks from now. “If you’re interested in meeting with someone, make plans quickly! Everyone’s busy, so don’t find excuses not to meet up,” Hobley says.
The Tinder spokesperson adds, “Don’t play by the rules and wait 24, 48 or 72 hours to ask someone out! If you’re enjoying the conversation and it’s flowing, see if your match wants to hang. Throw the rulebook out the window and take a risk — you never know where it may lead you.”
Name a time and a place
Instead of asking, “do you want to get drinks sometime?” name a time and a place. Something like, “Hey, there’s a new bar that opened up nearby that I’ve heard great things about. How about we check it out together this weekend?” is far better, says co-founder and CEO of Coffee Meets Bagel, Dawoon Kang.
“This kind of interaction will lead to a very different direction (an actual date!) than spending time with small talk in chat purgatory,” she adds. “I know that it can feel awkward to make the first move. You might be wondering, ‘Am I going to come across as too aggressive or desperate?’ I’ve been there. But the truth is, is that nothing is more cool, confident, and sexy than someone who is comfortable taking the lead.”
Don’t be afraid of a phone call
Yes, we know millennials hate talking on the phone… but sometimes it’s easier to make plans that way. If you’re struggling to find a time and day that works for your date, Kang suggests working it out with a call. “Pick up the phone and ask them out! You can set up the date in five minutes and spend your time and energy on getting ready for and enjoying the actual date,” she says.
“Plus, there’s the added benefit of actually being able to connect live and get to know the person at a deeper level before spending the time to meet up,” she adds. “This would prevent you showing up for a date and realizing within the first five seconds that the person wasn’t who you thought was going to be.”
Keep the first date casual
Hobley suggests beginning with a coffee date rather than a more time-consuming dinner date. “If time is working against you, ask them to coffee!” she says. “In fact, 85% of people on OkCupid love coffee dates and when asked, a majority of people said going for coffee is the best first date idea — more than dinner or drinks.”
So click that “edit” button, spruce up your profile, and get matching — just don’t begin with “hey.”
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Menstrual pad brand Always will no longer use the Venus symbol on its packaging, in a move that makes the products more inclusive of trans and non-binary customers. The symbol — a circle sitting on top of a cross — has traditionally been used to represent women. Always’ packaging change comes in response to customers urging the brand to make their period products more welcoming to people who don’t identify as women, but still menstruate.
According to CNN, Always’ parent company Proctor & Gamble announced the decision earlier today. “For over 35 years Always has championed girls and women, and we will continue to do so. We’re also committed to diversity & inclusion and are on a continual journey to understand the needs of all of our consumers,” the company said in a statement. “We routinely assess our products, packaging and designs, taking into account consumer feedback, to ensure we are meeting the needs of everyone who uses our products. The change to our pad wrapper design is consistent with that practice.”
Since Trans Visibility Day in March 2019, trans and non-binary customers and allies have been calling for the brand to change their design. “Could someone from Always tell me why it is imperative to have the female symbol on their sanitary products?” Twitter user Melly Bloom tweeted over the summer, via NBC News. “There are non-binary and trans folks who still need to use your products too you know!”
Activists are applauding the move. Steph deNormand, the Trans Health Program manager at Fenway Health, told NBC News, “For folks using these products on a nearly monthly basis, it can be harmful and distressing to see binary/gendered images, coding, language and symbols. So, using less coded products can make a huge difference. Trans and nonbinary folks are constantly misgendered, and a gesture like this can broaden out the experiences and open up spaces for those who need the products.”
The move has unfortunately sparked a transphobic backlash, particularly in the UK, where the Daily Mail published an article about the packaging change with the title, “Transgender lobby forces sanitary towel-maker Always to ditch Venus logo from its products.”
Proctor & Gamble is standing by the decision — which they made in response to feedback, but which was not “forced.” In a statement to Snopes, they said, “After hearing from many people, we recognized that not everyone who has a period and needs to use a pad, identifies as female. To ensure that anyone who needs to use a period product feels comfortable with Always, we’re adjusting our pad wrapper design as part of our next round of product changes. As a global brand, our design updates will be adapted by multiple markets at various dates beginning in January/February 2020.”
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Now that it’s October almost November, cute autumn boots and lust-worthy cozy layers are now staring us in the face at all times, and we just can’t decide on what to pull the trigger on. Lucky for us, there’s one retailer who is reading our mind with a sale on everything that we’re shopping for right now — Zappos.
Starting today, they’re trotting out a sweet rewards sale: spend over $100 on any eligible items and get a $25 credit towards your next purchase. With a plethora of sturdy boots, leather moto jackets, and rugged winter coats, there’s plenty to outfit yourself for the colder temps. And then, with your $25 credit, you can stock up again in a few weeks (or days — we won’t judge).
At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team, but if you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Clarks Linvale Sea Ankle Boot, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Lauren Ralph Lauren Diamond Quilt Jacket with Faux Leather Trim, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Free People Royale Flat Bootie, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Blank NYC Suede Moto Jacket, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Sperry Saltwater Quilted Wool Boots, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Adidas Originals Superstar Track Jacket, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Timberland Jayne Waterproof Teddy Fleece Fold Down Boot, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
The North Face 1996 Retro Nuptse Jacket, $, available at ZapposImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
Sofft Sharnell II Knee-High Boot, $, available at Zappos
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
