Is it just me, or is adulting totally overwhelming? Behind my smile, I am usually feeling frantic, harried, and overwhelmed most of the time. Things happen so fast that I don’t have much (or any) time to think about or process anything — I am just in a constant state of reacting and trying to stay above water. Unwinding in front of Netflix at the end of the day is essential. But, while that may be pleasurable, I recently realized that TV and movies are just more information coming into my brain, pulling my awareness away from myself and onto something else.
My solution to this conundrum? Meditation. Before you roll your eyes, know that I had been trying to meditate for years before I finally resolved to make it a daily practice this January. This, admittedly, does not make me a Zen master by any means. But it does mean that I’m still enough of a meditation newbie that I know what it’s like to get annoyingly vague meditation advice. Hearing or reading something like, “Just breathe and let go of your thoughts” can all too easily elicit an internal reaction that’s akin to, “WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! SCREW THIS!” (This reaction is also a sign of needing meditation, BTW).
With that said, here are eight hacks that helped me get into my meditation groove.
Find A Great App
While I’m sure regular meetings with a meditation teacher would be amazing, that’s not always feasible in terms of time or budget. Good thing there are a huge number of apps out there to help you establish a meditation practice. I highly recommend Headspace, which I use daily. It is a subscription-based paid service, but it’s seriously the best $8 per month I’ve ever spent. There’s a great guided meditation page on YouTube, too, if you prefer going the free route. I also really enjoy using the Holosync 15-minute meditation video when I just want nature sounds and some brain waves to help me Zen out.
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.
Baby Your Mind
I have heard a lot of people say that meditating is all about turning off your thoughts. That seems easy enough, right? Wrong. Turns out, not thinking is really hard. I used to berate myself so hardcore when I couldn’t tune out my thoughts ( You’re so bad at this! OMG shut up! etc.). But this kind of self-castigation does not a calm mind make.
So I stopped. Instead of scolding myself, I try to think of my busy mind as my 4-year-old self. Just like a small child, my mind wants my undivided attention — it's constantly tapping me, pulling at my shirt, telling me jokes, making funny faces, throwing a tantrum, or maybe telling me something scary or sad in an attempt to reel me in. My goal during meditation is to put my mind into a peaceful lull with the same love, calmness, and patience I would use to coax a young child whom I love very dearly, to go to bed. So when my mind starts chatting and trying to solicit my attention, I smile at it affectionately and quietly, reassuringly repeat, "shhhh" in my head until it quiets down.
Sometimes my mind is totally sneaky, and after a period of being extremely quiet, will suddenly pipe up, “Look at us — we’re meditating! Woo-hoo! High five, am I right?!” But that’s just another thought (albeit an exuberant, celebratory one). Again, I’ll do a calm, love-filled “shhhh” to quiet the mind back down. I usually have to repeat this many times throughout the meditation. I’ve now learned that it is perfectly normal, so there’s no need to get angry at my inner 4-year-old.
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.
Do Your Best Statue Impression
If you’re new to meditation, I would recommend trying to sit for 10 minutes, to start. As you feel more comfortable with the practice, you can add more time in five-minute increments. (I just did my first one-hour meditation a few weekends ago!) It’s important during meditation to commit to being totally still for the entire time that you meditate. Why? Because all those itches, aches, and twitches are really just another method your mind uses to distract you. I wore a back brace to treat my scoliosis when I was a kid, so I used to resist this idea by saying, “My back really can’t handle that. I need to move around a lot so that it doesn’t spasm and ache.” Turns out that was just a powerful psychological fabrication, a skill I unconsciously taught myself to avoid the discomfort of my brace.
It took me some time to find my perfect meditation position in which my leg or foot doesn’t go totally numb and my back or neck aren’t screaming in pain — but now that I've found it, once I set my timer and close my eyes, I sit completely still and focus.
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.
Study Your Nostrils
When meditation people tell you it’s all about being still and focusing, you might be thinking, Focus ON WHAT? The answer: your breath. What does that mean? Well, it means different things to different people. It's been helpful, for me, to study how the air is coming in and out of my nose. I take breaths through my nose and focus absolutely all of my attention on where the air is hitting the tip of my nostrils, how it travels into and through my nose, down my throat, and into my chest. These should not be rushed observations; really take the time to cultivate awareness for each sensation.
After quite some time of doing this, I noticed my left nostril does most of the heavy lifting when it comes to my breathing. I can now feel how the cartilage in my nose diverts oxygen as it enters my nose and lungs — it’s actually kind of cool! What about you? Can you feel where the air comes in and out of your nostrils? Can you feel it move into the deeper parts of your nose? Your throat and your lungs? Can you control which nostril intakes and exhales air without moving at all? Where do you feel your breath most?
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.
Paint A Mental Picture
After you spend some time studying your breath, gently shift your attention to your body. Try and build a mental picture of your exact position without opening your eyes at all. Notice how your fingers and fingertips are placed or intertwined — which finger is on top of the other? Same for your legs and feet. Where are your arms resting? Can you feel the joints and bones in your knees? What about your elbows? Do it for every single limb on your body. Bring your attention to all places you don’t normally “feel” — like your earlobes or your eyebrows, for example. Then turn your attention to your face — are you furrowing your brow? Are you clenching your jaw? What about your neck muscles? You don’t have to do anything to change it — just become aware of it all.
You might be asking yourself, “Isn’t thinking about what your body is doing…thinking? Which is against the rules?” The key is, you’re noticing, not really thinking, and you’re focusing solely on the present moment — your current physical sensations — rather than mulling over what happened earlier in the day, creating a story in your head about why this or that hurts, or thinking about what you need to do tomorrow.
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.
Cultivate Awareness
Now shift your focus to your state of mind without judging it. Are you happy? Restless? Excited? Agitated? Sad? Stressed? Don't give it a story ("I am sad because…") — just notice it. Realize that this emotion is the frame of mind you are operating from right now. Breathe into it, breathe through it, and sit with it. Any time you find yourself thinking about your state of mind, judging it, or giving it a story, shift your focus again to a loving “shhh,” and to your breath and nostrils.
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.
Listen For The Ring
After you have taken some good deep breaths, done a body scan, and become aware of your true emotional state, try to get so still and so quiet that you can hear the very faint ringing in your ears. This requires more focus and concentration than you might expect. It is a very faint, very subtle sound, so anything — external or internal — will disrupt it. Even as sirens pass by, your heavy-footed upstairs neighbor walks above you, and your S.O. coughs in the next room, continuously return your concentration to finding the ringing in your ears. It’s such a delicate sound that even internal thoughts will interrupt your connection to it. That’s okay. Calmly and lovingly shush the thoughts away, and bring your attention back to the ringing in your ears and to stillness.
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.
Mellow Out About Your Meditation
When you start to meditate, you may feel compelled to tell your friends and family about it and compare notes on experiences if they have a meditation practice, too. That’s obviously totally fine, but be careful not to compare your meditation process and experience to anyone else’s. Meditation is very personal to each person that practices it. Talking about meditating or the benefits of meditation is like “trying to put the ocean in a paper cup ” in the words of my college fave, Ani DiFranco. Meaning, it’s impossible to fully capture the experience or quantify the results.
And finally, remember that meditating isn’t about sitting in thoughtless silence like a jade Buddha statue — it’s a process. The most relatable anecdote I have ever read about meditating is, “I’d occasionally achieve a few seconds of relaxed concentration — the meditative grail — which felt as if I were on a balance beam.” This really helped me to take the pressure off myself. Now I know that falling off the beam is inevitable and part of the process. And I know that I can get right back on by resorting to my bag of eight meditation tricks.
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca.Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
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